The Short Print

  LOS ANGELES, CA — The NBA’s salary cap scandal involving Kawhi Leonard, Uncle Dennis, and the Clippers has officially spilled into the sports card industry, where chaos and eBay bidding wars are now unfolding faster than a Panini redemption collapse. Within hours of Pablo Torre’s explosive podcast exposé , Topps announced the release of a limited-run “Cap Circumvention Collection” trading card set, featuring Kawhi, Uncle Dennis, Mark Cuban, and even a holographic refractor of the Aspiration debit card allegedly used to funnel yacht payments through a fake eco-charity. “The hobby needed this,” said one breaker live-streaming from his garage. “Forget Shohei Ohtani autos — the Uncle Dennis Negotiation Used Patch Relic is already fetching five figures raw.” The Chase Card: The Dennis Refractor Collectors are already hunting the 1-of-1 “Uncle Dennis Black Prism Refractor,” which depicts him sitting courtside with a briefcase full of unsigned contracts and the faint silhouette o...

  CHICAGO – In what experts are calling either a historic auction or a temporary lapse in judgment, a signed 1986 Fleer Michael Jordan rookie card has sold for $2.5 million—after exactly one bid. The lucky (or financially reckless) bidder, who remains anonymous but reportedly goes by the username “MJGOAT420,” claimed they placed the bid “as a joke but then figured, hey, you only YOLO once.” The card, graded 9.5 Gem Mint , includes Jordan’s signature and a faint whiff of 1980s greatness. According to auction officials, the card’s value was increased by: Michael Jordan’s signature A microscopic piece of hardwood DNA scraped from a 1987 Bulls court The tears of every Knicks fan from the '90s “I just wanted something rare and meaningful,” the buyer said. “And let’s be honest, this card is still cheaper than two courtside seats to a Lakers game.” A Deal Fit for a GOAT “People collect all kinds of stuff—cars, art, Beanie Babies,” said Dr. Lynn Mint, a collectibles economist. “B...