BREAKING: Man With Colored Pencils Accidentally Creates More Interesting Baseball Cards Than Entire Multi-Billion-Dollar Industry
CHICAGO — In a devastating development for the modern trading card industry, one man armed with colored pencils, paper, scissors, and what experts describe as “an alarming amount of actual creativity” has reportedly begun producing baseball cards that collectors genuinely enjoy. The man, known online as Gummy Arts , has spent years hand-drawing baseball cards featuring everyone from legendary athletes to obscure players, historical figures, musicians, television characters, and people who, according to several major card manufacturers, were previously considered “not shiny enough to print.” Industry executives immediately called an emergency meeting. “We've spent decades developing chrome technology, laser-etched refractors, atomic parallels, cosmic parallels, lava parallels, disco parallels, and cards that require sunglasses to examine,” said one anonymous trading card executive. “And this guy is out here making people happy with a colored pencil?” The executive reportedly paus...